Jury Duty

Well, I’ve just completed a week of jury duty. I can’t even begin to explain the emotions and thoughts that went through my head as the trial progressed. Some parts were so boring that even the judge began to nod off. Other parts were so interesting that I had thoughts of becoming an attorney. (Not really!)

It didn’t take the 30 minutes like it does on Law & Order but did resemble parts of the show. There were 12 of us jurors – total of 14 if you count the alternates. The court reporter typed away at her machine anytime someone said something. There was the prosecutor, defense attorney and defendant sitting at several tables and a whole lot of witnesses came and went. At one point, when crime scene technicians were testifying, I felt like I had switched the TV channel to CSI: Miami.

The attorneys constantly asked to approach the bench or argued outright. During those times, the jury had to leave the courtroom so we spent a lot of time marching back and forth to the jury room. At least it gave us a chance to take those necessary ‘bio’ breaks and have some refreshments.

I was a bit overwhelmed by the responsibilities of serving on a jury but am proud that I was able to take an active role in exercising one of our citizen rights.

Bullying is a Serious Problem

School and the teenage years are hard enough to handle without your child having to deal with a bully. My son came home one day and told me he’s continuously called hurtful names for not letting another student copy from his homework paper. It took quite a while before he told me about it and I just didn’t know how to respond. It was very hard for him to tell me because he was afraid of what would happen if the bully found out he had told someone. The term bullying doesn’t just refer to physical actions but also to verbal and emotional intimidation.

I found a lot of information about bullying at http://stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov. I found additional resources at http://www.kzoo.edu/psych/stop_bullying/resources/websites.html.

According to the Health Resources and Service Association (HRSA), Children and youth who are bullied are more likely than other children to:
· Be depressed, lonely, anxious;
· Have low self-esteem;
· Be absent from school;
· Feel sick; and
· Think about suicide.
My son has exhibited many of these symptoms and I didn’t realize that bullying could be part of the cause. I attributed it to his entering the ‘teenage’ years.

After my son told me about the bullying, the first thing I did (after giving him a hug) was discuss the problem with his teachers. They were not aware of the issue and had guidelines in place to deal with bullying. By identifying the problem we can now work together to see that it does not continue.

These are some tips I learned to help my son deal with bullying:

· Let him know that it’s not his fault.
· Ask him how he’s been dealing with the bullying and talk about what actions we can both take to solve the problem.
· Praise his strengths and creativity. My goal is to make my son feel more confident and boost his self image.
· Encourage my son to associate with some friendly kids in his class. This will give him a positive experience with other students.
· Ensure my son has a loving home where he can feel safe both physically and emotionally. I want him to know that he can talk to me about anything and everything.

Teenage Depression

Becoming a teenager is difficult enough without suffering from depression. Everyday, my 14-year-old son battles with his emotions. Some days he is fine and goes to school but too often he can’t get out of bed. He doesn’t have many friends or outside interests. He is prone to bursts of anger or high energy then breaks down and weeps. He is often bored and tired and disinterested in the world around him.

So when is it just hormones and when is it clinical depression? I’ve been overwhelmed by all this and haven’t known what to do. Family and friends have offered advice but I wasn’t sure what was right for my son. I found that the following websites were very helpful and the information they provided helped me make decisions about my next steps. They provided information on what symptoms to look for and what options are available.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen.htm http://www.focusas.com/Depression.html.

My son is now being treated with mood stabilizers and cognitive behavioral therapy for a diagnosis of Depression. While he still has those bad days, most of them are good. I had to make many difficult decisions to get to this point but am confident that I made the right ones.

Depression can be a serious illness and should be treated as such.

Bedtime

When is a child too old to be tucked into bed at night?

When my son was little, I loved to tuck him into bed and snuggle for a bedtime story. After he was old enough to read, we would sit together and take turns reading before I kissed him goodnight. Now that he's fourteen, it's more of a 'make sure he's in bed' thing, finish up any thoughts not yet discussed, quick kiss on the cheek and then I turn out the lights and head for my room.

When visiting relatives not too long ago, they ridiculed my son for saying he was ready to be tucked in and called him a baby. I was informed that it wasn't healthy for a child that old to be tucked into bed. He should just say good night and do it himself. Oh, so it's healthy to ridicule a child?

Everyone has advice to give on the proper procedures for raising a child. I say they're never too old to be told they're loved and that goes for 'grown-ups' too - so, that's my opinion.

Fun Websites for Kids

There are many websites that offer free fun and educational activities for children. Here’s a few of my son’s favorites:

My son likes to ‘cook’ and we found this website that has free recipes. With fun titles, each recipe is easy to follow and encourages children to read and follow directions. http://pbskids.org/zoom/activities/cafe/ .

You can find cute pictures to color. You have quite a few colors to choose from and all you have to do is click an area to color it.
http://www.coloring.com/pictures/choose.cdc

My son enjoys putting silly faces on different vegetables.
http://thinks.com/kidzone/mr-potato/mr-potato.htm

This website offers free ‘connect the dots’ puzzles. There are hints and questions to help discover what is in the picture.
http://www.abctooncenter.com/ncb.htm

Hope your kids enjoy these sites as much as my son does. I think fun and creativity go hand-in-hand with education.

The Nightmare of Homework

How am I supposed to get it through my son’s head that he has to do his homework? I remind him and have even punished him but he still waits to the last minute if he remembers to do it at all.

When he decides to do it, he’s never prepared. For example – in science, he was supposed to measure certain items for homework. We do not own a metric ruler. He tried to blame it on me but I reminded him that he had not told me he needed it. We had to do a little scrambling to find resources on line to help. One website – http://lamar.colostate.edu/~hillger/common.html - was filled with information but could not help us actually measure the items listed on the assignment.

Another time, he needed a shoe box to make a panorama for one of his classes and we had to go around the neighborhood asking for one. I guess he thought I would buy shoes just to have the box.

He won’t even look over the article I gave him about organizing his time and getting his homework done. It’s always a battle and we end up arguing - so again the homework doesn’t get done. I don’t know how many times I’ve restricted his use of the computer or his TV time.

His grades at school reflect the fact that he’s not doing his assignments. It doesn’t seem to make an impression when I explain the importance of school to his future. I wish I knew what I can say or do to get through to him.

Why don’t you need a license for parenting?

We have to get a driver’s license, a marriage license, a fishing license and so on. I was totally unprepared for the trials and tribulations of motherhood. Oh – I knew how to change a diaper and feed a baby but that’s about it. When I was pregnant, I watched mothers in the mall and studied their ‘parenting skills’ and made notes on what worked and what didn’t. I listened in horror to the stories of the terrible two’s and the nightmares of potty training but felt they were blown way out of proportion. I was wrong.

Somehow I survived but am now facing the terrifying teenage years. Do you think I remember one bit of advice? Well, I don’t and I’m totally unprepared for what’s ahead of me. Now I long for the days of long naps, story time and trips to the park. I’ve forgotten the teething, tantrums, and scraped knees and remember the sweet smell of baby powder and the tender hugs from little arms.

My son is now taller than I am and starting to believe he knows it all. I went from “Mommy, I love you” to “Mom, you don’t know what you’re talking about” in a very short time. His room is a mess and he doesn’t seem to remember how to take out the garbage. He’s always on the computer and texting his friends. He’s impossible to wake up in the morning and he has a very dim view of the value of school. Everything I’ve learned about parenting through the years is useless now.

Teenagers should be considered a different species from toddlers and treated accordingly. I get a weird sense of satisfaction when looking at frazzled young mothers because I now know what’s coming.

Sometimes I feel like the odds are stacked against me!

I’m a single mom with Bipolar Disorder trying to raise a teenage boy by myself. There’s never enough money to buy the things we need and his father isn’t in the mix at all. Each day, the struggle to get up is magnified by the worry that my son will not get up and go to school. I’m afraid he’s Bipolar too. I try to be a good role model but sometimes it’s really tough to do. How can I teach my son self-confidence and inner strength when I’m fighting the battle for myself every day?

I know there are others that survive greater obstacles than I’ll ever face. This doesn’t always comfort me but at least I feel less alone. I’ve looked into support groups but I haven’t convinced myself to attend any meetings yet. Procrastination is one of my worst faults. I let the ‘molehills become mountains’ and struggle to break them down.

Then there are the days when I stretch and wake up looking forward to the day. My son is dressed and ready to go and there’s sunshine and a cool breeze greeting us at the door. I chip away at the mountain and smile at my silly cat. My favorite show is on TV tonight and dinner was especially tasty. I try to imprint those days over the pictures of my bad days.

There are no miraculous cures for living life. What works for one person doesn’t always work for someone else. What I have learned is that you won’t get anywhere unless you stand up and head in some direction – anywhere is better than nowhere.